Coping with shame vs. guilt
Have you ever felt guilty for telling a white lie? What about feeling ashamed of who you are because of what someone said to you? Guilt and shame often get used interchangeably, but there is a clear distinction.
Guilt is when you act against your morals or values (lying, stealing, etc.). Shame is when you feel you are the problem rather than something you did, and it is often accompanied by humiliation or embarrassment.
Here are a few ways to cope with these emotions.
Acknowledge your feelings. Acknowledging what you are feeling is the first step. Try taking a step back and analyzing the situation from an outside view. Pinpoint what triggered the emotion you’re feeling. From there, you can determine if the emotion is shame or guilt.
Check-in with your values and morals. When trying to determine what you are feeling, check in with your morals and values. Did you go against what you believe to be right or wrong? If so, the emotion is likely guilt. If not, you are likely experiencing shame.
Make amends if possible. If you feel guilty, making amends is a must. Let the other person know you messed up, and that you will do better next time. It’s important to remember that you only have control over your actions. How they receive your apology is up to them.
Speak kindly to yourself. The best way to heal from guilt and shame is to watch how you talk to yourself. Give yourself grace by remembering that everyone makes mistakes. Allow yourself to acknowledge wrongdoing without attributing it to you as a person.
Seek support. Reach out to those you trust for help. Let them know how you feel and what you have been going through. Being vulnerable with someone can ease feelings of shame and jumpstart the healing process.
Treat yourself like you would treat a friend. Some criticism for the purpose of correction is okay, but beating yourself up or believing you’re not good enough isn’t helpful. Instead, have compassion towards yourself and learn from your mistakes.
