Forgiveness After Suicide
Losing someone to suicide can leave you with a mix of emotions, including grief, confusion, sadness and anger. You might feel frustrated with your loved one for leaving or hurt that they didn’t reach out for help. These emotions are valid and common. While having these feelings is natural, the Suicide Prevention Resource Center says it’s important to remember that the person likely wasn’t trying to hurt you. Working toward forgiveness can help survivors and begin healing.
Here are a few things to keep in mind:
Understand that their actions were out of your control. Even if your loved one blamed you for their problems, you are not responsible for their actions. Consider listing what is and is not in your control right now. This exercise will help you remember that you are not at fault.
Recognize that you may never know why they did it. Wondering why someone chose to end their life is often the most painful and persistent question. People who die by suicide are often experiencing intense psychological pain and may believe they have no other way to end their suffering. The decision is rarely about other people.
Give yourself grace. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but it can ease the intensity of the pain. Allow yourself to feel your emotions whenever you are in a safe space and know it’s also OK to take a break from grief through healthy distractions that provide relief.
Surround yourself with support. Spend time with those closest to you, whether they know your loved one or not. Accept help from them, whether it’s through sharing memories, having heartfelt conversations or engaging in an activity.
Consider joining a grief group. Grieving a loss to suicide can be especially complex and isolating. Consider joining a support group with those who share a similar experience. This can provide a connection to others who innately understand and to experts who can guide you with focused practices and coping skills.
Healing after losing someone to suicide is a process that takes time, patience and self-compassion. There is no “right” way to grieve, and everyone’s journey is different. By allowing yourself space to heal, leaning on loved ones and caring for your own needs, you can find peace and move forward while keeping their memory alive in a loving way.
